After turn SAHM for about 2 yrs, I learn
that it’s for my own good not to address everything that I hear or I see even
sometimes I am so itch to open my mouth. This is very effective in avoiding argument.
Tonite during dinner, Ian said he just took
his LINUS today. Then he added, it’s held on Sept. (Sept? Now we are already in
Oct) I believe it was just a slip of tongue, I better kept quite. However, his uncle
pointed this out. He denied he ever say this, as usual! They argued over this
and I interfered just to prove to him that I heard it too. However, his state
of denial just as firm as his stubbornness. The most irritate things was, he
cried out loud when 3 of us tried to prove him that he indeed say so.
Ended up? I’m the one who flared up & smacked
on the table to stop him. Still, he stood firm on himself, denied that he ever said so. Ya,
sometimes I just avoid having this type of argument with him, more so when I’m
alone with him. I couldn’t find another witness to prove him wrong. Even though
I can get one, it appears useless as he will still stubbornly deny it. Sometimes,
I have to refrain myself on pointing out his mistake especially a mere of slip
of tongue or something that is less important.
Well, I did googled on how to handle this –
to encourage him to admit his mistake. Talked to him calmly (I have to pretend
so) in order to make him feel comfortable and keep telling him it doesn’t
matter as we, human, make mistakes. Just the matter of admit it and not to
repeat it. It seems hard for him to accept that he make a mistake. It’s even
harder for him to pop the word ‘sorry’ out from his mouth. Whenever I mentioned
about apologized, he will cry out loud.
Most of the time, he cried so loud
and I can't waited to get this over. And, believe it or not? It seldom gets OVER. Finally,
after he cooled down, and I can’t wait to wrap this up, he will tell me with
his very soft tone – I didn’t say that.
>.<
I normally went mute as I’d used up all the
words that I can from my word bank. If you want to know whether I manage to
handle this, I have to admit that I FAIL to. I can’t find another way, so far.
I have to keep battle with his stubbornness, as long as he is still under my
care. Or until one day, he learned from it.
For you sake, here are some tips from the parenting experts
(extract & edited from http://www.parent4success.com/)
- Help our children understand that everyone makes mistakes and we
don’t expect them to be perfect
- React to a mistake with a determination to help our child learn
from it
- Wait for our child to calm down before discussing the mistake.
- Encourage our child to admit to a mistake, and to take responsibility for it rather than blaming others.
- Make sure that we stick to the one mistake, rather than bringing up any similar mistakes made in the past.
- Encourage our child to say sorry and discuss ways of doing this in person if possible or in a letter.
- A good apology includes: a description of what happened, recognition of the hurt or damage done, accepting responsibility for the situation, admitting their role in the incident, expressing regret for what happened, asking forgiveness, reassurance that it won’t happen again and how they would like to make up for the hurt or damage.
- Overcome the temptation to rescue our child from the consequences of a mistake. And help them to realise the consequences of their actions. (Such as children not wanting to play with them, people being cross, punishments at school etc.).
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